Facing the Lies

2012-02-13T14:10:00.000-08:00

So, I have been lying to myself for a really long time. Since I was 17. About 10 years.

I kept telling myself that I could smoke and not become addicted. I said just try it, it's cool, your boyfriend does and hey that means you will now have something in common. You can quit later because right now this is what matters.

You can quit at any time. You have that power. You hold the keys.

I remember the first time. It was at my friend's house in high school. It was a small party, for underclassmen. I did not even know how to light it. My friend, Maggie showed me. From then on, I was hooked. It really truly only took one. I do not remember a day without a cigarette from that point on unless I was trying to quit. This only occurred 2-3 times in the last 2-3 years.

Now, about 72, 800 cigarettes later, I still am smoking and somehow still have this perception that I have no addiction to nicotine.

I am depressed and sickened by myself.

Alas, something has happened, I read Allen Carr's EASYWAY to quit smoking. It's time to kick this while I'm still standing. I cannot take being a prisoner to this addiction any longer.

Here's a list of what has got to go:

That stink breath that seems to linger ALL DAY long
The stink of my clothes
The whole that was just burned in the North Face jacket my parents gave me as a Christmas gift
My yellowed/browned teeth and nails
My acne covered face
The cancer I am creating in my body
I literally lay in my bed for hours just smoking and watching T.V. when not working
The dissatisfaction that I have when being with other people that I cannot smoke around/with

I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!!!

Here is what I will gain as a non-smoker :
I will be a nice smelling person again
I will no longer feel judged by society
My face will become clearer
I will be able to live a life that is not contradictory to my personal values
I will gain focus and concentration on things that matter to me
I will be more productive
I will be honest and present when with those I love
I will no longer be passively suicidal
I will no longer be a drug addict
Money savings
Health savings
Environmental savings
Healthier teeth and gums and no more BLOODY APPLES.

What am I giving up for all of these awesome-filled things? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!
My journey awaits. Tomorrow I will be a non-smoker, isn't it marvelous!?!

bloody apples

Facing the Lies